One of the great aspects of life I am experiencing these days is how negative experiences can lead to positive outcomes. I have always been intrigued with the idea of the balance of light and dark in life, but now I am experiencing and appreciating it.
It started with the change in my self esteem. The spark that ignited this change was being bullied, threatened, and harassed last year. While it hurt at first I am extremely thankful now for this experience and I am not bothered by it any longer. I had never been bullied before so it was a good eye-opener for me, a reality check, a much needed one. It was a small experience but it was enough to teach me a lesson. I realized that the person said these things to me because they saw in me what I didn’t. It was only after this realization that I began to feel more comfortable in my body and gained confidence overall. I started to show off my “skinny dumb bitch” “clown” “failure as a human being” “insecure and pathetic” self. The irony of picking on others for their insecurities is that it reveals your own.
More stressful events followed up until recently. One of the positive outcomes that has come from them is that I am a lot stronger mentally and continue to improve on handling negative situations in a more productive manner. I still relapse and temporarily allow a negative situation to get to me sometimes but I am able to recover much more quickly. I try to look at the situation from a learning perspective.
I’ve cut down significantly on consuming things that are not good for my health. Some things I have stopped consuming completely.
All of what has happened to me, good and bad, has lead me to finally come up with goals and ideas of what I’d like to do with my life. For so long, and what has troubled me deeply is not having any direction and goals and not finding my place. Thanks to recent events I have goals and opportunities to pursue these goals have presented themselves. I won’t share too many details now but just know, if you feel you are in a rut, that life has a way of balancing itself out. Don’t give up.
Like my ma says: It will all work out in the wash.