I decided to go for a walk today. I left early so I would not have to worry about being around too many people. Since my last post, I have accomplished a lot as fas educating myself. My life has taken a turn in a positive direction despite there still being some negativity afoot. I launched my own web development and design business a couple of weeks ago and I have been working on it every day. I work my 9-5, then I work on my own business. I genuinely enjoy doing what I do and it seems like I may have finally found something that I would like to do for a living. I have been undecided for so long and that has caused me a lot of sadness. I reached the point where I did not want to get out of bed anymore but now I have something productive and enjoyable for me to wake up for.
I don’t write much here. Most of the time I don’t know what to write. I started a new job and I work from home for a call center. It is nice to work from home but I would prefer to not take calls. It is not fulfilling, it is just for now. I am still on the lookout for other opportunities. I would like to go back to university eventually too. I am just trying to sort myself out here.
Seeing the sunshine on my balcony today made me excited for the warm weather that is coming. I can’t wait to get more plants. My little apartment here has been a very slow work in progress but it is getting there. Still have to fill in some holes, paint the living room/kitchen area, paint the tub, paint the doors, paint the one wall in the bedroom, buy a kitchen island… Still a lot to do but I have done a lot already as well. My cute little shoebox apartment in downtown Montreal.
I don’t know if I have spoken about it already here on my blog but this area is absolutely perfect for someone who gets around mostly by foot. I have definitely have said it many times to the people I know already! I love this location! Literally, everything I need is in walking distance. There are several grocery stores in a 10-minute radius for example… I’ve been around many areas in Montreal and there are other areas that I love too but this one is the best for having all your needs within walking distance. Surprisingly near McGill, there is only one big grocery store nearby and it is over 15 mins for a lot of people to walk to. I am more west downtown, in Shaughnessy Village. I got lucky to find a place at a cheap price. The other 1 bedrooms in this area are over $1000. I am paying $695, it will be going up through to $710. The downside is the size and lack of sunlight inside but I still love it and still feel I was meant to be here at this time. Hopefully, only one or two more apartments before I buy.
I have been trying to be more creative/crafty lately. I used to be much more creative when I was younger but interestingly after I did a year at craft college (2010-2011) I stopped. The only creative thing I really did consistently after that was photography. At least I did that 🙂 But now I am doing cross stitches, sewing, and trying to draw and paint. I am not doing so well with the drawing and painting but I am trying nonetheless.
I still spend too much time browsing social media which is a super unhealthy habit that I’ve had since I was about 14. Maybe 13. I literally will just browse the feed for a long period of time, wasting time. Not cool at all! Clearly, it is an addiction that I just can’t seem to break yet. This is the main reason I take breaks from social media from time to time.
Speaking of addictions… Even though I never had a serious addiction to cannabis, I don’t smoke it at all anymore. I just get tired and burnt out and I don’t like it. Also, it has been a year since I have had coffee. I did drink it once by mistake in December. I thought it was decaf but shortly after I felt that it was not! I am proud of that because I do like the taste of coffee but as stated in a previous post it gave me anxiety. As for alcohol, I don’t drink much at all anymore. Proud of that too. “Getting fucked up/wasted” is not my thing. That isn’t to say I haven’t had good alcohol buzzes and may have some good times in the future but a lot of the time if I get drunk it just isn’t good for me. Even if nothing bad happened that night, I tend to feel depressed for a couple days after if I drink a lot.
I managed to gain a little bit of weight, hopefully, it stays this time but who knows! My hair is still growing too. I went from dying it every two months for years to not at all. Doesn’t mean I am done FOREVER but I am appreciating my natural color for now 🙂
After seeing my skin break out and scare starting in the Fall of 2018 I have been taking better care of my skin too!
Anyways, just a random boring life update. … 🙂
A few weeks ago I adopted Bebe. Her original name was Sybelle but this did not come naturally to me. When I saw the ad I thought of Mimi but when I met her and began to speak to her Bebe (“Bee bee”) just came out. I looked it up later and learned that the name Bebe means “She who brings happiness.” So that worked out very well because that is exactly what she has done for me.
I was unsure about getting another cat, I don’t know where I am going with my life so I was thinking that having a cat may not be the best decision for me at this time… Despite the uncertainty, I did look on Kijiji for adult cats to be re-homed… then I started looking specifically at Persian cats since I both love that breed AND my apartment is a small one-bedroom and I felt an adult Persian would be the best match for this environment. A cat or kitten with a lot of energy would not enjoy this space.
I was starting to lean more on the “No” side and looking less… then I saw the ad for Bebe. I smiled instantly when I saw her. I responded to the Kijiji ad and went to sleep, still with doubts about having a cat. I dreamt of her that night, just I had dreamt of this apartment when I had initially decided not to take it. It was the dream of having this apartment that made me go for it and now it was my dream of Bebe and I in this apartment that made me feel I was on the right path and that she was mine.
No one responded to the Kijiji ad but I saw that it was posted by a shelter so I found their Facebook page and messaged them. They said that another woman had already expressed interest in Bebe and that they were waiting to hear back from her. I waited a few weeks and in the end, the woman did not answer so they contacted me and made the arrangements to bring her to me. I was so excited and nervous that night as I waited for Bebe’s arrival. When she came out of the carrier I was delighted by her little self. She looked a bit bigger in the picture. She is actually a petite little lady. She explored a bit while the shelter lady was here and ended up hiding under my dresser. After the lady left I laid on the floor beside the dresser and spoke to her. After a couple of minutes, she came out with her tail up.
It is a bit less than a month later now that I have had her and I love her. She is 6 years old and is a friendly little lady. She loves being petted and brushed. She will sometimes wait in the bathroom while I shower. She follows me around and stares at me if she is not sitting or laying beside me. She sleeps with me every night and usually right by my head! She also has her playful side which enjoys my homemade crumpled aluminum foil balls!
She is an Exotic aka the Short-hair Persian, a mix between Persian and American Shorthair. The shelter lady is supposed to come back at some point for a follow-up and for me to sign the contract. She will explain more of Bebe’s history to me then. All I know of her at this point is that she has been in several homes due to her leaky eyes. Her eyes, and sometimes nose, need to be cleaned multiple times a day due to her brachycephalic head/flat face. Learning more about Persians and the Exotic specifically makes me even more of a fan! Such a sweet and loyal breed. Not many are up for adoption so I feel very lucky to have found her.
The following is an excerpt from The Laws of the Sun by Ryuho Okawa which I really enjoyed.
When I first started reading this book I felt it was silly; talking about beings on Venus before Earth for example, however I kept going and I actually I am glad that I read it. It overall is a very uplifting and inspirational read.
The exact thoughts of Gautama Siddhartha had at the time of his great awakening:
“For many years, I barely ate or drank. I have practiced asceticism, believing that I could attain a great spiritual awakening by mortifying my flesh to its limit. Six years have passed since I left my wife, Yashodhara, and my son, Rahula, and fled from Kapilavastu Palace, rejecting the pleas of my father, King Suddhodana, that I succeed him to the throne. When I lived in that palace, I was strong and vigorous, adept at both military and literary arts. But look at me now. I am just skin and bone. If our purpose in life were to excoriate and torment our bodies, then what would be the point of dwelling in physical bodies at all? If the Eternal Buddha wished for human beings to deny the flesh, wouldn’t that imply that those who commit suicide are the most enlightened ones?
“But what is the benefit of suicide? According to the universal law of cause and effect, if we create seeds of suffering by committing suicide, then suffering is what we’ll reap. The state of enlightenment is a state of tranquility, but how can we possible attain such peace of mind through the torments of asceticism? Torturing my physical body this way is none other than a way to kill myself, and this is not a way to enlightenment. The only result I have achieved through this practice is an attitude of severity. My eyes are passing harsh judgments and show no love or mercy. How can I truly be kind and compassionate if I can’t find peace of mind or fill my own heart with happiness?
“What exactly is the happiness that I can find within myself? When I lived as a prince in Kapilavastu Palace, I had all the money, women, and luxuries that I could ask for. But was my heart filled with happiness? No, my monotonous life was filled with languor. My heart was empty and my mind was racked with conflicts, inflamed by other people’s desires and intentions. Had I inherited the throne, it would have been my duty to lead my people to war against neighboring countries, causing terrible bloodshed and death.
“A life lived in pursuit of wordy status and fame can only bring hollowness. My life in Kapilavastu Palace was not a life of true happiness. I felt spiritually unfulfilled, and I lived in constant anxiety and frustration. We find true happiness not in stagnation and laziness but in daily spiritual progress. Happiness is found not in worldly success, but in the improvement of our souls and the refinement of our divine nature. We children of the Eternal Buddha experience true happiness when we improve ourselves according to His Will.
“As children of the Eternal Buddha, we can find the path to enlightenment and true happiness neither in the extravagant life of royalty nor in the structures of ascetic training; we can find peace of mind neither in hedonistic excess nor the harshest privation. The right way of living for human beings is to abandon both extremes and to seek the Truths in the Middle Way. Only when we live a balanced life can we find the Middle Way.
“What we truly seek as human beings is a life of perfect harmony. We can create a world of perfect harmony, a kingdom of Heaven, within our mind when we abandon the extremes of pain and pleasure, enter the Middle Way, and practice the Eightfold Path of Right View, Right Thought, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, and Right Concentration. When all of us do this, the kingdom of Heaven will appear on Earth.
“Thus, true happiness is to be found in experiencing joy and making spiritual progress in our daily lives. We can increase this spiritual joy by understanding and mastering the Eightfold Path.”
I could certainly learn a lot from following the Eightfold path. It seems like a great guideline to living a fulfilling life…
I’ve been lying on my balcony for the past couple of hours. I made myself a little bed up here and I have been looking around and thinking. This is my third apartment with a balcony in a row, yet despite only being here for a month now I have appreciated this balcony most of all. It is my first time back out here in a couple of days. I had food poisoning and was not able to move much in that time. I am much better now. Now it is just to get back into eating without upsetting my recovering stomach. So far so good.
…Fall is gorgeous and I love it too but my favorite time of the year is summer evenings. The temperature is just right at that time and I am enjoying it here on my balcony.