Narcissist vs. Sociopath

I see the word narcissist thrown around a lot on the internet. When I read the stories of others about their narcissist experience it seems to me that some are instead dealing with a sociopath. Both are cluster b personality disorders. Sociopaths are anti-social personality disorder and narcissists are narcissistic personality disorder.

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While both narcissistic and sociopathic people behave similarly (ex: highly manipulative and lack empathy) there are a few distinctions. The main distinction being that the sociopath is aware that they are different from other people whereas the narcissist is not. The sociopath knows that they are capable of doing things to others to benefit themselves without feeling any remorse. The narcissist on the other hand, does feel bad about hurting others (and can’t seem to help repeating bad behavior despite knowing it would hurt someone else) but they usually express their guilt by taking it out on you or projecting their mistakes onto you. The narcissist is troubled by their behavior deep down but they deal with the guilt in an abusive manner. The narcissist feels shame while the sociopath does not. Also, while a narcissist is unable to love a person as a non-narcissistic can they can still feel something, the sociopath is unable to feel love at all.

So in a nutshell, if you are dealing with someone who appears to derive some pleasure and/or entertainment from abusing you it is likely a sociopath and not a narcissist. The narcissist can feel badly and also to some degree feel love for another but the sociopath does not. I know it can be hard to tell from being overwhelmed from everything going on, manipulation is hard to deal with, but I feel it is important to know the difference. Also, there are individuals out there that have narcissistic tendencies but do not have the disorder. These are actual disorders (very serious ones) and I don’t think the words should be tossed around!

Stay safe!

 

 

Stop blaming others.

Want to feel better? Then make it happen. Sitting around complaining and blaming others will only make you feel worse. And if it somehow makes you feel better, know that any pleasure gained from placing blame elsewhere is temporary and is not productive.

Even if your negative emotions/reaction to another’s negative behavior is justified YOU must make the choice to not let that negativity stay within you. It will slowly destroy you.

Own up to the responsibility of taking care of yourself. It won’t be easy but anything of any value to growth will never be easy. That is just how it works. That is why we tend to blame too…because it is easy. Well guess what, the easy way is usually the wrong way!

You can do it, take up the challenge and go the right way… start growing! ♡

Time does not heal all wounds

Time alone cannot heal all wounds.

Not all wounds are mere scratches on the surface; some penetrate deep down into the subconscious mind.
These wounds seem to only become more saturated with the aid of time.

You must put work into your healing:
❈ Reflect on and accept what happened.
❈ Take care of yourself; eat well, exercise, meditate, do yoga, etc.
❈ Educate yourself; watch documentaries, read, have civil discourse with others.
❈ Put time into hobbies.
❈ Make goals and work towards them.
❈ Forgive and let go.

If your deep wounds are a caused by a person, forgive them.
Forgiving them does not mean you have to reconnect with them.
Just have an understanding for why they may have done what they did and let it go.
Don’t carry that burden anymore.
Work on healing your wounds.
Work on healing yourself.

Thankful

I am thankful for the roof over my head. I scored a very cute apartment in downtown Montreal for a good price.

I am thankful for the food in my stomach and in my fridge.

I am thankful for the friends and family that I do have relationships with.

I am thankful to have Bebe in my life. A very gentle, appreciative, and kind soul.

Also,

I am thankful for getting a taste of the dark side of human nature during the last 3 years of my life. Thankful for the lessons.

♡🐾 Bebe 🐾♡

 

A few weeks ago I adopted Bebe. Her original name was Sybelle but this did not come naturally to me. When I saw the ad I thought of Mimi but when I met her and began to speak to her Bebe (“Bee bee”) just came out. I looked it up later and learned that the name Bebe means “She who brings happiness.” So that worked out very well because that is exactly what she has done for me.

I was unsure about getting another cat, I don’t know where I am going with my life so I was thinking that having a cat may not be the best decision for me at this time… Despite the uncertainty I did look on Kijiji for adult cats to be re-homed… then I started looking specifically at Persian cats since I both love that breed AND my apartment is a small one bedroom and I felt an adult Persian would be the best match for this environment. A cat or kitten with a lot of energy would not enjoy this space.

I was starting to lean more on the “No” side and looking less… then I saw the ad for Bebe. I smiled instantly when I saw her. I responded the Kijiji ad and went to sleep, still with doubts of having a cat. I dreamt of her that night, just I had dreamt of this apartment when I had initially decided not to take it. It was the dream of having this apartment that made me go for it and now it was my dream of Bebe and I in this apartment that made me feel I was on the right path and that she was mine.

No one responded to the Kijiji ad but I saw that it was posted by a shelter so I found their Facebook page and messaged them. They said that another woman had already expressed interest in Bebe and that they were waiting to hear back from her. I waited a few weeks and in the end the woman did not answer so they contacted me and made the arrangements to bring her to me. I was so excited and nervous that night as I waited for Bebe’s arrival. When she came out of the carrier I was delighted by her little self. She looked a bit bigger in the picture. She is actually a petite little lady. She explored a bit while the shelter lady was here and ended up hiding under my dresser. After the lady left I laid on the floor beside the dresser and spoke to her. After a couple minutes she came out with her tail up.

It is a bit less than a month later now that I have had her and I love her. She is 6 years old and is a friendly little lady. She loves the petted and brushed. She will sometimes wait in the bathroom while I shower. She follows me around and stares at me, if she is not sitting or laying beside me. She sleeps with me every night and usually right by my head! She also has her playful side which enjoys my homemade crumpled aluminum foil balls!

She is an Exotic aka the Short-hair Persian, a mix between Persian and American Shorthair. The shelter lady is supposed to come back at some point for a follow up and for me to sign the contract. She will explain more of Bebe’s history to me then. All I know of her at this point is that she has been in several homes due to her leaky eyes. Her eyes, and sometimes nose, need to be cleaned multiple times a day due to her brachycephalic head/flat face.  Learning more about Persians and the Exotic specifically makes me even more of a fan! Such a sweet and loyal breed. Not many are up for adoption so I feel very lucky to have found her.

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Bebe with my favorite “plush” growing up; Snowy the white blue eyed Persian. A “kitty kitty kitten” toy.

The Middle Way

The following is an excerpt from The Laws of the Sun by Ryuho Okawa which I really enjoyed.

When I first started reading this book I felt it was silly; talking about beings on Venus before Earth for example, however I kept going and I actually I am glad that I read it. It overall is a very uplifting and inspirational read.

The exact thoughts of Gautama Siddhartha had at the time of his great awakening:

“For many years, I barely ate or drank. I have practiced asceticism, believing that I could attain a great spiritual awakening by mortifying my flesh to its limit. Six years have passed since I left my wife, Yashodhara, and my son, Rahula, and fled from Kapilavastu Palace, rejecting the pleas of my father, King Suddhodana, that I succeed him to the throne. When I lived in that palace, I was strong and vigorous, adept at both military and literary arts. But look at me now. I am just skin and bone. If our purpose in life were to excoriate and torment our bodies, then what would be the point of dwelling in physical bodies at all? If the Eternal Buddha wished for human beings to deny the flesh, wouldn’t that imply that those who commit suicide are the most enlightened ones?

“But what is the benefit of suicide? According to the universal law of cause and effect, if we create seeds of suffering by committing suicide, then suffering is what we’ll reap. The state of enlightenment is a state of tranquility, but how can we possible attain such peace of mind through the torments of asceticism? Torturing my physical body this way is none other than a way to kill myself, and this is not a way to enlightenment. The only result I have achieved through this practice is an attitude of severity. My eyes are passing harsh judgments and show no love or mercy. How can I truly be kind and compassionate if I can’t find peace of mind or fill my own heart with happiness?

“What exactly is the happiness that I can find within myself? When I lived as a prince in Kapilavastu Palace, I had all the money, women, and luxuries that I could ask for. But was my heart filled with happiness? No, my monotonous life was filled with languor. My heart was empty and my mind was racked with conflicts, inflamed by other people’s desires and intentions. Had I inherited the throne, it would have been my duty to lead my people to war against neighboring countries, causing terrible bloodshed and death.

“A life lived in pursuit of wordy status and fame can only bring hollowness. My life in Kapilavastu Palace was not a life of true happiness. I felt spiritually unfulfilled, and I lived in constant anxiety and frustration. We find true happiness not in stagnation and laziness but in daily spiritual progress. Happiness is found not in worldly success, but in the improvement of our souls and the refinement of our divine nature. We children of the Eternal Buddha experience true happiness when we improve ourselves according to His Will.

“As children of the Eternal Buddha, we can find the path to enlightenment and true happiness neither in the extravagant life of royalty nor in the structures of ascetic training; we can find peace of mind neither in hedonistic excess nor the harshest privation. The right way of living for human beings is to abandon both extremes and to seek the Truths in the Middle Way. Only when we live a balanced life can we find the Middle Way.

“What we truly seek as human beings is a life of perfect harmony. We can create a world of perfect harmony, a kingdom of Heaven, within our mind when we abandon the extremes of pain and pleasure, enter the Middle Way, and practice the Eightfold Path of Right View, Right Thought, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, and Right Concentration. When all of us do this, the kingdom of Heaven will appear on Earth.

“Thus, true happiness is to be found in experiencing joy and making spiritual progress in our daily lives. We can increase this spiritual joy by understanding and mastering the Eightfold Path.”

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Source: http://buddhismpathtowellbeing.blogspot.com/2017/11/the-eightfold-path-middle-way.html

I could certainly learn a lot from following the Eightfold path. It seems like a great guideline to living a fulfilling life…