Stop blaming others.

Want to feel better? Then make it happen. Sitting around complaining and blaming others will only make you feel worse. And if it somehow makes you feel better, know that any pleasure gained from placing blame elsewhere is temporary and is not productive.

Even if your negative emotions/reaction to another’s negative behavior is justified YOU must make the choice to not let that negativity stay within you. It will slowly destroy you.

Own up to the responsibility of taking care of yourself. It won’t be easy but anything of any value to growth will never be easy. That is just how it works. That is why we tend to blame too…because it is easy. Well guess what, the easy way is usually the wrong way!

You can do it, take up the challenge and go the right way… start growing! ♡

Why Do People Bully

If you have/are experiencing being bullied; the first and more important thing to recognize is that it is not your fault.

They are taking out their issues out on you. Maybe they too were bullied and/or abused in some way. Some people cope with stress in a negative way and hurt others as a result. It could be a coping method for whatever it is they are going through/have been through. Maybe they are angry and insecure. They could also possibly be jealous.

Most of the time bullying is done to have power and control over someone else. They will target something specific about you to create or worsen your existing insecurities.

They are most likely people of low self esteem and use bullying as a way of deflecting, and many times and more specifically; projeting their flaws onto someone else. There is a good chance that whatever they are pointing out that is wrong with you is something they are insecure about with themselves. They are not happy people.

Bullying is never okay but understanding why it is being done can help tremendously in the healing process. ♡

Sources:

https://www.dove.com/ca/en/dove-self-esteem-project/help-for-parents/teasing-and-bullying/why-do-bullies-bully.html?&gclid=Cj0KCQjw_r3nBRDxARIsAJljleEKf3RE7uvPM-Dftelji4wlGTdxxtoHWPlL8mmRQ0LCQ7Rgdb45mSMaAplUEALw_wcB

Why Do People Bully? The Scientific Reasons

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One of the great aspects of life I am experiencing these days is how negative experiences can lead to positive outcomes. I have always been intrigued with the idea of the balance of light and dark in life, but now I am experiencing and appreciating it.

It started with the change in my self esteem. The spark that ignited this change was being bullied, threatened, and harassed last year. While it hurt at first I am extremely thankful now for this experience and I am not bothered by it any longer. I had never been bullied before so it was a good eye-opener for me, a reality check, a much needed one. It was a small experience but it was enough to teach me a lesson. I realized that the person said these things to me because they saw in me what I didn’t. It was only after this realization that I began to feel more comfortable in my body and gained confidence overall. I started to show off my “skinny dumb bitch” “clown” “failure as a human being” “insecure and pathetic” self. The irony of picking on others for their insecurities is that it reveals your own.

More stressful events followed up until recently. One of the positive outcomes that has come from them is that I am a lot stronger mentally and continue to improve on handling negative situations in a more productive manner. I still relapse and temporarily allow a negative situation to get to me sometimes but I am able to recover much more quickly. I try to look at the situation from a learning perspective.

I’ve cut down significantly on consuming things that are not good for my health. Some things I have stopped consuming completely.

All of what has happened to me, good and bad, has lead me to finally come up with goals and ideas of what I’d like to do with my life. For so long, and what has troubled me deeply is not having any direction and goals and not finding my place. Thanks to recent events I have goals and opportunities to pursue these goals have presented themselves. I won’t share too many details now but just know, if you feel you are in a rut, that life has a way of balancing itself out. Don’t give up.

Like my ma says: It will all work out in the wash.

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Positive Affirmations

I’ve recently become interested in using positive affirmations to overwrite my negative thought patterns. When it comes to using affirmations you have to use ones that are believable to yourself as well as making actual changes to your lifestyle and make goals to work towards. Just saying the affirmations is, of course, not enough. Affirmations need to be true to you in order for them to work. Introspection with every affirmation is needed. Here is a list I have created for myself:

❈ I am trying to be in control of my reactions.

❈ I have the power to change myself and I have been changing myself.

❈ My body is filled with energy, I can feel it.

❈ Everything will be okay.

❈ I believe in myself, I have potential.

❈ I am proud of myself for changing and continuing to do so.

❈ Every day is a fresh start. If I have a bad day it’s okay, it happens, tomorrow I will try again.

❈ I am grateful for my life and for the gift of being alive.

❈ My partner and I have fun together.

❈ I want the best for my partner.

❈ I am trying to live in the present, rather than being stuck in the past or worried about the future.

❈ I am trying to accept and embrace all experiences, including unpleasant ones which provide me with life lessons.

❈ I am ready for new opportunities.

❈ I am trying to be superior to negative thoughts and low actions.

❈ I trust that I am on the right path and moving in the right direction.

❈ I am growing into the person I am meant to be.

❈ I forgive myself for the mistakes I have made.

❈ I am excited for the future.

❈ I am ready for the next chapter in my life. I am ready to grow, learn, and for new experiences.

❈ I am putting in effort to make myself happy.

❈ I am focusing on the positive things in my life. Instead of dwelling on the negative things I am trying to see them from a different perspective.

❈ I understand that great things take time.

What is your opinion on affirmations? Do you use them?

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Snapchat & Self-Esteem

I’ve been wanting to write about this subject for a while now. It amazes me how much Snapchat filters alter your face. For anyone reading who isn’t familiar with what I am talking about have a look: The first image is without filter.

Here are a few more examples:

Bigger eyes, enhanced eye color, clearer skin, longer lashes, fuller lips, thinner face, thinner and straighter nose, cheekbones, etc. You get the idea.

Most of us know at least one person who only takes selfies with Snapchat. I know a few.

I remember when I first checked it out earlier this year after seeing more and more people using it and I was shocked. I couldn’t believe how dramatic some of the filters were and immediately understood why there are some individuals who only use this app. Also, Snapchat changes the filters on a regular basis and there have been some in the past that changed your face more dramatically than the ones I used here tonight.

Despite my own issues with self-esteem and insecurities I was not able to hop onto this bandwagon. I am glad I didn’t. It was just too fake for me, I wouldn’t be comfortable posting these pictures online as myself when it actually isn’t me. During my lowest times I simply just didn’t take pictures of myself. Some people don’t do that though, they do the complete opposite. I understand it though; it is an addiction.

I am reading about Snapchat and self-esteem right now. I am learning that people are actually getting cosmetic surgery done in order to look more like their filtered selfies. Apparently “55% of facial plastic surgeons in 2017 saw patients who wanted surgery to help them look better in selfies.”

In general, I am not opposed to plastic surgery to boost self-esteem. Particularly, if it’s something that has bothered the person for all of their life like large noses, birth marks, scars, bad skin, etc. What makes me uneasy though is the filters role in increasing self-esteem issues. Also, children and teenagers use these apps too. Young impressionable minds that already have issues finding and accepting themselves…

This article points out how people are no longer just comparing themselves to celebrities, they are comparing themselves…to their filtered selves. And of course we have always, in general, compared ourselves to each other. However, it’s unfair to you to compare yourself with another person’s or your own enhanced photo. Looking at your enhanced face constantly will, without a doubt, have psychological consequences. You are forcing yourself to look at yourself, yet, it isn’t you. This will affect your brain and self-perception.

People use face-enhancing apps to make themselves feel better, but just like a drug, the pleasure and boost is immediate and short-lived, and the negative consequences can be more long-lasting and damaging.

P.S. I never found the animal filters cute. I also find it silly to pose “sexy” with the pout and yet have a big dog nose and ears. When I see people like this I don’t take them seriously. Maybe I am just a cranky old lady though? I am old fashioned in some ways…

Here are two more filtered photos I had taken earlier this year when I was originally going to write on this subject… Look how cute I am! 😉

Goodnight

xxx

Other reads:

Snapchat Was Ruining My Self-Esteem

The Unexpected Reason Snapchat’s ‘Pretty’ Filters Hurt Your Self-Esteem

Treat Yourself

Treat yourself to gifts, dates and adventures.

Don’t wait on people to these with or for you.

They say you spend a third of your life sleeping, well I’m pretty sure I’ve spent another third just on waiting on others and at least half of the time it was for nothing. That is what it feels like. It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Different people over the years. It’s something I’ve been resentful about for a long time for the time wasted and feeling let down. Now, I am trying to let go and just enjoy life.

-Lone Sagitarrius

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